Pre-publication:
Ann is such a good writer, it’s a pleasure to read. “Not Nicholson” is thoroughly engaging–I enjoyed it!
-Linda Ronstadt, Grammy-winning singer and adoptive mother
In “Not Nicholson,” Ann Haralambie combines an intensely personal narrative of adoption with the expertise of a recognized family law expert and author. In her personal story, Haralambie recounts her lifelong search for her birth parents, her frustration with closed records, and her evolving sense of identity during the pursuit. At the same time, readers will benefit from Haralambie’s vast knowledge of state and federal adoption law and policy. In light of its nuanced and multi-dimensional approach, “Not Nicholson” is both a gripping chronicle and an introduction to the history of adoption and the ongoing need for reform.
—Barbara A. Atwood, Mary Anne Richey Professor of Law Emerita, James E. Rogers College of Law, University of Arizona, adoptive mother
Special appreciation goes to author Ann Haralambie, for sharing the story of her search for her biological families. As a coordinator and search assistant for ALMA (Adoptees’ Liberty Movement Association) for 32 years, I applaud Ann’s efforts to tell her story, which is very healing for all members of the adoption triad. Her book really points out the facts that “knowing is better than not knowing,” and finding “closure” can be very healing.
—Marie H. Anderson, ALMA Coordinator
Ann Haralambie’s most recent book is a recounting of her life with the underlying theme of her adoption and her need to know and reconnect with her origins. The adoption theme runs throughout her life like a river, sometimes flowing underground, sometimes meandering, other times rushing through rapids and an occasional waterfall. Ann has been an advocate for the rights of those affected by adoption and impeded by the secrecy that has surrounded adoption for decades. Early in her search for her birth family she was often a speaker at educational seminars held for families seeking to adopt. Ann helped countless families to understand the need to know and, thus, become more sensitive to the children they adopted and the importance of helping them to embrace their biological roots. This book is the next step.
—Leaxann Downey-Lewis, retired adoption and pregnancy counselor
Editorial Reviews:
In “Not Nicholson,” Ann M. Haralambie crafts a poignant and deeply personal narrative about her quest to uncover her biological roots. The memoir is more than just an adoption story; it’s a profound exploration of identity, heritage, and the intricate bonds of family. Haralambie’s heartfelt recounting of her journey, filled with its challenges and revelations, is both riveting and emotionally charged.
What stands out in Haralambie’s memoir is her genuine and raw portrayal of the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany such a profound personal quest. Her experiences, ranging from moments of elation to heart-wrenching obstacles, provide a candid look into the complexities of adoption searches. This journey, while unique to Haralambie, serves as a beacon of understanding for anyone touched by adoption.
As readers navigate through Haralambie’s experiences, they’re prompted to reflect on their own sense of identity and heritage. The narrative, while evoking a spectrum of emotions, consistently carries a message of kindness and empathy. “Not Nicholson” is not just a memoir but a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring quest for self-understanding. It’s a deeply moving read, one that resonates long after the final page is turned.
—Heena Rathore Rathore-Pardeshi
October 24, 2023
In “Not Nicholson,” Ann M. Haralambie embarks on a soulful journey into the heart of adoption search and reunion, inviting readers to join her in navigating through its myriad emotional and practical complexities. Haralambie, an attorney specializing in children’s advocacy, presents a memoir and a nuanced exploration of identity, belonging, and the labyrinthine pathways of the legal system and the human heart.
Set against the vibrant backdrop of New York, Haralambie’s narrative is vividly brought to life through her descriptive prowess, immersing readers in the towns and locales pivotal to her personal exploration. Her words recount and breathe life into each place, becoming settings through which the highs and lows of her search unfold.
Haralambie’s own history as an adoptee serves as the poignant fulcrum of her story, weaving together the personal and professional strands that drive her 35-year quest for biological roots. Despite being enveloped by the love of her adoptive family, the sealed records of her adoption presented a mystery that captivated her since her youth, leading her to embark on this odyssey during her law school years.
“Not Nicholson” transcends a mere chronological account, intertwining a heartfelt memoir with invaluable insights into the legal aspects of adoption search and reunion. Haralambie generously shares the judicious steps that guided her journey and unabashedly reveals the missteps, providing readers with a genuine, holistic view of her expedition through legal channels and emotional landscapes.
Moreover, the book adeptly encapsulates the evolution of the adoption process since the 1950s, providing a comprehensive backdrop against Haralambie’s personal experiences. It becomes a story of personal discovery and a microcosm through which readers can observe the changing tides of social and legal perspectives on adoption.
Haralambie masterfully conveys the uniqueness and commonality inherent in adoption stories with each page. Her approach is both honest and exhaustive, evidenced by the inclusion of meticulously labeled photographs that allow readers to visually traverse her expansive family tapestry.
Amidst the oscillation between triumph and setback, joy and sorrow, Haralambie’s unyielding determination remains steadfast throughout her narrative. Her story, while uniquely hers, becomes universally inspiring, exemplifying an unwavering resolve that continues even in the face of numerous obstacles.
In this deeply moving and enlightening memoir, Ann M. Haralambie does not merely share a journey but opens a dialogue about adoption, identity, and the incredible power of unrelenting determination. “Not Nicholson: The Story of a First Daughter, An Adoption Search and Reunion Memoir” thus stands not only as a testament to Haralambie’s journey but also as an invaluable companion for those navigating the intricate paths of understanding and acceptance in the realms of adoption.
—Literary Titan ★★★★★
Arizona Daily Star, February 4, 2024
“Dogged” doesn’t begin to describe Tucson attorney Ann Haralambie in her search for her birth parents. “Indefatigable” might do. Even “compulsive.” But if you’d want an advocate to track down your own family, you’d want a Haralambie on your team.
Called “an adoption search and reunion memoir,” “Not Nicholson” chronicles her decades-long quest. Born Nov. 15, 1951, in New York, called Female Nicholson on her birth certificate, she was adopted by New Yorkers Cecilia and James Haralambie. They were loving, attentive parents, and young Ann had a privileged childhood. She always knew she was adopted; she always knew she was “chosen,” but that always colored her perception of herself. By age 23, she was determined to find her birth parents.
Her hunt hit a frustrating maze of impediments, misdirections, thwarted threads, and false assumptions . Most impenetrable was the New York state closed adoption policy. The agency that facilitated the adoption stymied Haralambie’s efforts, but it did provide sketchy details. Most damaging — and it persisted for years, ensnaring an innocent family Haralambie was convinced was hers — was the false name her mother provided. Hence the the memoir’s title.
As you’d expect, not all quests are propitious.
In fact (as her family would admit), Female Nicholson grew to be a highly successful adult: a musical mother and grandmother, a Phi Beta Kappa with a Master’s and a J.D., attorney for child protection and advocacy, author and conference speaker. She tells a compelling story, writes affectingly about the child’s role in the “adoption triad” (child, birth parents, adoptive parents), and presents a powerful argument for transparency in adoption.
— Christine Wald-Hopkins, Arizona Daily Star
Amazon Reviews:
5.0 out of 5 stars Compelling Story
Reviewed in the United States on April 5, 2024
Adoption has been a family story in all of my life lines. I absolutely enjoyed this story. These days I generally prefer to listen to audio books, but reading it was a fun compelling read. My heritage is Irish and I like the music, I did enjoy reading about the singing…okay I did skip over the Gaelic translations. Ann you are so amazing, thank you for all you do for children. My deepest sympathies on losing your daughter. What a life you have lived. Thank you for the book.
4.0 out of 5 stars An Intense Heartfelt Memoir of Adoption Awareness and Advocacy ….
Reviewed in the United States on February 15, 2024
Not Nicholson: The Story of a First Daughter – Ann M. Haralambie – (2023)
This is an intense and heartfelt memoir where the author exhaustively researched and wrote over a period of fourteen years. Haralambie always knew she was adopted, in childhood she felt stigmatized and “other” — this knowledge and awareness deeply influenced her life. It became necessary for her to understand the reasons for her adoption and her true family history and heritage —a thorough search that would span over 35 years.
In the 1950’s -60’s nearly all adoption records were sealed nationwide to protect the identity of the birthmother, which was culturally accepted and believed to be in the best interests of everyone involved. Haralambie read the memoir, “The Search for Anna Fisher” (1973) and soon met the author/ adoptee Florence Fisher who founded the Adoptee Liberty Movement Association (ALMA) and the first national mutual consent registry that reunited an adoptee with their birth parents. Haralambie, a divorced single mother, became a trial attorney in Tucson, Arizona (1977) and spent her career in child and family law becoming an advocate for the rights of adoptees to gain access to their birth records. The stories in the memoir are unusually involved, complete with photos, letters, transcripts, DNA test results, sentimental songs and poetry—and will especially resonate with those who have been adopted and their families.
5.0 out of 5 stars Good read, recommended
Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2024
Not Nicholson review
This is a must read for anyone in the circle of adoption, genealogy, or DNA research, as well as a good mystery! I personally am NOT an adoptee and found this book to be extremely intriguing. Being a genealogist myself whom has traced my family tree back to the Vikings, I found this story a good one. Ann is very blunt in her research methods and how she went about finding information on her birth family. She tells all the secret things that us genealogists do, but don’t admit to! She also talks about all the 10,000 emotions and feelings there are when researching your birth family, or your family tree, and all the brick walls that present themselves and all the doors that get slammed in your face! But also the long lasting “surprising” relationships that you weren’t looking for that end up being there forever! It’s a glimpse into the life long adventures that the adoption triad members as well as genealogy researchers go thru trying to unlock the secrets of their birth families.
5.0 out of 5 stars Heartfelt Story
Reviewed in the United States on January 4, 2024
This is a courageous and heartfelt story of a daughter’s unrelenting search for her birth parents. Despite incredible odds and obstacles, she never gave up. Along the way she learned of her heritage and embraced her roots. During her search, she stayed committed to her adoptive family with love and appreciation. She embraced joy and disappointment with dignity and honesty. I was impressed with the author’s tenacity and stoicism. I highly recommend.
4.0 out of 5 stars A manual for any adopted person searching for their birth parents.
Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2023
I enjoyed the “story” which reads like a mystery as Ann conducts her search to find her birth parents. The amount of research, the path outlined and the persistence Ann describes should be inspiring and very educational to anyone who desires to conduct a similar search. The book provides a roadmap for adopted persons who are on a similar journey.
5.0 out of 5 stars A storyteller talks about a most interesting search
Reviewed in the United States on December 23, 2023
It is easy to see that Ann found out her heritage is Irish. She is a master storyteller, and this is an important story to tell, as well as a very interesting one.
5.0 out of 5 stars A compelling story with heartfelt depth
Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2023
The author’s decades long search for her birth parents includes fascinating and impressinve forays into the Irish and Scottish cultural heritages that the author believed to be her genetic inheritance. The excellent writing and the rollicking storytelling both make for riveting reading.
5.0 out of 5 stars A Beautiful Quest and Journey
Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2023
I fell in love with this book for so many reasons. Where to begin? The fact that it was a personal journey of the author drew me to it. The author takes you with her as she attempts to find her biological mother and family. As a native New Yorker, I felt familiar with the NY setting and could visualize the towns of which she spoke. All throughout the book, I kept thinking how vastly different adoptions are now than they were in the 1950’s. The book was emotional, heartwarmiing, informative, sad, joyous, and never stopped being a positive quest.
The book contains many family photos, meticulously labeled and identifying. We get to know this family, her immediate and extended one. Clearly, her adoptive family was a wonderful and loving group.
The author is an attorney, and so am I. She not only tells a very private and personal story, but also provides much legal info which is enlightening. There is an appendix with state-by-state resources that readers (and lawyers) will find helpful.
I recommend this book very highly, most especially for book clubs. There are many aspects of the author’s journey that lend itself to provocative discussions on a number of topics. Author Ann Haralambie has done us a huge service by writing this book, and for that, we should be grateful.
Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2023
Author is an excellent writer. Her story is fascinating and told in a no-nonsense, honest manner. At the start of the book she gave just enough information and details to hook me. I wanted to know more. Book was satisfying from that perspective. It is her unique story of being adopted. Author is an attorney (and so am I) so I enjoyed the legal actions she took to arrive at the truth. She described her very comprehensive search for her birth parents and the many pitfalls along the way. She showed great understanding of the adoption “triad.” She was creative in her search. Her honesty in discussing her mistakes was refreshing. Author has many diverse interests. I admit skipping some pages that highlighted song lyrics I did not understand – but an authentic part of her story. Photos were a bonus; names on the pages became real people. I liked the title of the book; it turned out to be a large part of her story. The joys and pain of adoption were so real in author’s story.
5.0 out of 5 stars Personal Journey for the Truth
Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2023
The book was a personal journey for the truth of how the author came to be. I found it to be very informative on the adoption process in America from the 1950’s forward as the author searched for her birth parents for so many years. The author bared her soul and let the reader feel what she felt as an adopted child. Her story was emotional, frustrating, happy and sad. Definitely worth reading.
Goodreads Reviews (not including those already posted above):
As a non-adoptee, it was very interesting to read about Ann’s experience and longing for that “missing piece” of her identity. So much has changed over her decades long search and is laid out in detailed in the book. She tells it with humor and grace.
It always amazes me that people who know their family history – and often celebrate it – berate adoptees for wanting the same thing. People take for granted walking into a doctor’s office and knowing their medical history. If you’ve ever been asked if there’s a history of something in your family and have to answer “I don’t know. I’m adopted” you’d think differently, especially if it were your child you were talking about.
Ann Haralambie happens to spend her summers in the same town I live in. I saw her post about her book in a local online forum and was intrigued. She’s an adoptee who is also a lawyer, which I thought would have made her search a little easier. Alas, it didn’t.
“The fact that I was later “chosen,” welcomed with a ringing bell, and loved, did not erase the profound realization that before I was wanted, I was not wanted. I was the skeleton in the family closet, the emblem of a shame I could do nothing to atone for.”
Haralambie starts at the beginning and touches on the psychology of all adoptees. We’re usually told some b.s. story about being “chosen.” Like Haralambie, I had a vision of babies all lined up in cribs and my parents saying “I’ll take that one,” making me special. Of course, as we grow up we see that for the lie it is and have to face the fact that we were not wanted.
To read my full review, please go to: https://thoughtsfromthemountaintop.co…